Ay ay me-maties!

Pirates! I f***ing love them! There are all sorts of pirates... Old school Captain Hook pirates, modern day gun toting African pirates, bum pirates (although I don't love them so much), music and film pirates (which basically makes all of us pirates!), cyber pirates, beer pirates and female pirates, one of whom is the subject of my blog this fine and sunny day.

So, female pirates! Yes! Just because they had a vajayjay doesn't mean they couldn't swing their swords with the best of them. Awilda, aka Alwilda, was a chick pirate. Well, at least that's what the stories of old claim...

According to legend, Awilda was the daughter of a 5th century gothic Scandinavian King who arranged that she be married to a the Crown Prince of Denmark, a man called Alf. Being a pirate in the making, Awilda basically told her dad to piss off before dressing like a sailor and taking control of a ship! (And you thought modern girls were wild!)

One day, shortly after dressing like a sailor, Awilda and her buddies were steering their newly acquired ship along when they come across a massive pirate ship that had recently lost its captain. I’m not sure how they “lost” their captain, I mean, it sounds bit odd to me… But anyway, so Awilda's friends nominated her as the new captain of the scary pirate ship! What good pals they were.

Meanwhile, back in Danish land, the King of Denmark (her would-be father-in-law) was furious!
"Who dare deny my son?!" He cried.
And with that he sent forth his soldiers (and his son Alf) to fight the "irksome" pirates! Gasp!

Prince Alf and his men boarded the ship in their fancy clothes and basically kicked all the pirates asses, including Awilda, which kind of sucks because I was hoping she would be the anti-hero-hero in this story. Anyway, when Awilda saw Prince Alf swinging his sword around like the man he was, she revealed her true identity and agreed to give herself to him in holy matrimony. It is said they married on board (that must have been one hell of a party) and lived happily ever after as the King and Queen of Denmark.

THE END